Had a follow up with the Dr. today about my medication. And we agreed to keep it up, but that it is making a difference. It is funny how much easier it has become to relax in the face of things that were giving me problems before. I know that I have a long way to go, a lot of mental adjustments and strategies to learn and implement, but it does feel like I have turned the corner.
One of the things that I have noticed is that is has become much easier to just push myself away from the table at a meal. Or just accept that what I ordered is enough. I know that the medications are not an appetite suppressant. But I am beginning to realize how much of my eating habits over the last year were because of anxiety and emotion.
Last night and this morning were tough. I had a terrible game of Blood Bowl (the dice were not rolling in my favor at all.) And when I got home it was clear that Jimmy and the kids had really not done any of the things that I had repeatedly asked them to in the morning. But right when I was about to blow up, I took a deep breath, accepted it and just went to bed, realizing (with Kim’s help) that it was stuff that could be done in the morning. And then stayed up late reading which meant that I was real tired this morning. But I just got the kids moving, gently reminded them when I wanted them to do stuff, and we still got where we needed to on time. I needed that reminder that it really can all work out, without my obsessing or trying to control every second of the kids time.
As part of all this I am continuing to work on distancing myself from watching Football this year. Because watching leads to getting emotionally invested. I can read what happened after the fact and just deal with it just fine. Of course it is early and it remains to be seen how long I can remain this detached, but I have a goal for it at least.