I will not spend this post digging into the many thoughts I have about the election. I spent most of the evening sharing those on Twitter and FB. I am sure I will go into those another time because I think there are some real lessons to be learned, both good and bad. Instead I wanted to put down in writing what has really got me going: dread and anxiety.
I am worried this morning. Here I am in late middle age, unemployed and utterly at the mercy of others to hire me. My 3 children have just been told that their education is not important to the people of our community.
I am scared that the economy will collapse due to the results of this election. Which will lead to my having an even harder time finding a job. And the chances of my children to really pick themselves up will be dwindling.
I am tired, physically and mentally. The past month has been exhausting. There were some serious high points. But the cycle of clean, prepare, host, clean up has worn me out.
Being tired, anxious and scared is no way to go through life. I will give myself today to wallow in self pity. Eat some junk food for lunch. Seek comfort in what I can. Today, I will allow myself to feel, to be raw and hurt. To share what I am feeling. Let all the darkness pour out for a day. Then move on.
Tomorrow is another day. I am not at all certain what I can possibly do to improve some of these things. But I will put my mind to work on that tomorrow.