Ready for change #Life #mentalhealth


Kim has been home from work the last two weeks. It just worked out that she took her vacation during this time. It has been great to spend so much time together. What with my still being out of work. It made for a great couple of birthday celebrations. Mine and Jimmy’s. But all good things come to an end. She returns to work next week. That means I will be left once again to my own devices.

I had an interview on Tuesday for a job. I think it went very well. I would really like this job. Not only would it be nice to just get out and return to a regular working schedule. I also think that I would enjoy working for this company.

Monday I have my yearly physical checkup. I have joked about how I expect to get the riot act by the doctor fo my condition. I will admit that I have been focused on my mental health for the past year. I have had bouts of returning to some walking and increased activity. But it is not anywhere like I should be doing. Any program I have been on, be it eating, or exercise, has been a matter of starts and stops and eventually fizzling out.

I had a talk this week with Jimmy. Talking about how people like us, with our OCD and control issues, need to learn how to harness that and use it for our own good. I know that when I was running regularly I was doing that. My toe injury put an end to the running and I did not handle it well. So I spent a year or two getting my mental health issues in hand. Understanding who I am.

What does all this mean? What do all of these points mean when brought together? I have to confess that I realize that it is now time that I take a little of my own medicine. I cannot expect my son to learn some control over his own feelings if I do not demonstrate some control over my own.

That means I need to begin controlling the physical aspects of my life again. Follow a better, healthier diet plan. Set a regular exercise schedule and follow it. Allow myself to become a little obsessed with that thing laying on the floor of our bathroom that I avoid stepping on like it is made of Lego. A little obsession with my physical health is not a bad thing.

Of course, I will seek to maintain a sense of balance. Return to and maintain a better writing schedule. Keep in touch with family and friends. And try to do all of this when I  get that job I want. I certainly know that it is possible. I just have to work harder at it. Exert a little more self-control. And harness my strengths (and weaknesses) for the betterment of myself. It will require change. But it is a change that I think I am ready for.

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