I have been in a funk the past week. Up and down most days, with trouble sleeping. The lows were not terrifying and did not last for long periods of time. But it was there, and occasionally I would get those surges of anxiety that would last a couple of hours then recede. Like a tide of awful.
Well, this morning I think I kind of figured out where this has been coming from. Obviously, it is a condition that my brain has. But beyond that, I think that a lot of this is a form grief. A friend of mine was killed last week in a traffic accident. She was not a close or real long term friend (I had known her for about 10 years.) We met because our kids were in the same school for a number of years.
When we saw each other there would be a quick hug and hello, but not any deep long conversations. But she was just one of those people who made friends literally everywhere she went. And lived her life out loud and mostly unafraid. She was a social media person who was always posting pictures of her various adventures. And this very visible life really touched a lot of us. And her willingness to share her own difficulties with Depression and anxiety were an inspiration.
I think that this week it is really hitting home that she is gone. It was a tragic senseless death of someone who had everything to live for. It was not a suicide like my friend Justin, it was not intentional. And she leaves behind her 2 kids that I have watched grow up alongside my own kids for many years. So I am sure that is what is causing this background anxiety to crop up this week especially.
On a happier note, yesterday I decided to embrace something that many would call silly. I decided to begin playing Pokemon Go on my phone. And yes it is kind of silly. To go out wandering around, stopping at seemingly random intervals to do something on your phone.
What is not silly about it is that it got me up and moving. Yesterday I almost hit 10,000 steps. And this morning I got up and went for a good 45 minute walk playing the game. As silly as it may seem to some people, I think it is a useful incentive. I even put it in my Health folder on my phone because that is how I look at it, it is a health app. Just like the Zombie run app for running or various other types of health related games.
This morning I am feeling much better. Between the early morning exercise and the mental breakthrough. I think I can move on and forward now. Get healthy and maybe even a little healthier.