Life is good overall right now. For the most part, my feelings and approach have been in control. But the price I pay for this is a constant vigilance. Because I still get those moments when my brain decides to screw with me. That is just something I cannot help. I just have to keep aware that those times are temporary.
For example, Sunday night I was having a hard time getting to sleep. And found myself slipping into ideation. Which I knew was just my brain screwing with me. But that didn’t change how awful I felt at that moment.
Then yesterday, during my lunch break, that terrible feeling just came over me. It took a little while for it all to pass. I was smart, did some things that I knew would help improve my mood. And made sure not to obsess over one of the things that upset me.
It can be frustrating. There are times when I feel like I just have too much empathy. I get concerned over the smallest stuff. Then there are times when things completely beyond my control can really get to me. The election season is not easy for me. I have very strong opinions and views. I find a lot of the issue to be very interesting. I enjoy a good discussion of the facts. But this particular election has generated so many strong opinions that it is nigh impossible to have a civil discourse of the facts. When things lose that civility, get personal, I cannot take it, so I have to turn it off. It is a terrible thing.
Like I said above, and to turn back to politics in a fashion. My price of sanity is eternal vigilance. Knowing when I have dived too deep into an issue, become tied up in a discussion. Recognizing that a bad feeling will pass, but it is likely a sign that I need to do something for myself.
There are definitely times when I wish that I was not this way. That is a rabbit hole I choose not to follow, though. This is something I just cannot change, like having to wear glasses in order to see. So I will just remain vigilant, try to keep things restricted to offering my $.02 on a topic, and then leave the discussion. Do my best to avoid overreaching. And accept what I cannot control.