It is just hard #Life #Mentalhealth

So Kim is off with Emily for a couple of days at a Girl Scout Camp. That leaves me at home with the boys for a couple of nights. Last night reminded me how hard that is on me. I am used to Kim being gone for afternoons or evenings. But this is different, and last night drove that home.

There were a couple of difficult things last night. Jimmy had a chore he needed to do and was putting it off. And then the weed eater was not working properly for him. And Danny wanted to have a sleepover and was kind of whiny about it.

I kept my head down and tried to focus on a few things. Made dinner. Found something on TV that I wanted to watch. But it was hard, I had to grit my teeth a few times just to avoid losing it.

And then I hard a hard time getting to sleep. Part of it was the heat, it was hot last night, without the customary afternoon shower. For once it was not my usual brain just refusing to calm down. Instead, I just was not tired for some reason.So I stayed up way too late.

Now I am tired. Facing another night with Kim gone. This is good for me I guess, a reminder of how much her presence means to me. But it does not make it any easier. At least tonight I have a couple of tasks to complete that will help fill up the time. And a show to watch starting at 8, which will probably run late so I will be prepared for that.

What it comes down to is the need to have something to do, other than just the basics, when I am alone with the kids. A project, even if it is just picking up the house. Something that occupies my mind so I do not fall into a funk thinking about how Kim is not there. It is not a cure all but it is at least enough of a distraction that I can hopefully get to sleep tonight.


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