I am tired today. Physically tired, and it is my own fault so I will roll with it. Rolling with it is kind of the theme for my week. The schedule was pretty disruptive. The change in the weather made it hard to sleep well. And the first real week of summer made everything even stranger. But I am fine with it all so far.
The kids events and problems threw things off this week. For the first week when the kids had nothing going on it was pretty busy. Danny had to get up early on Tuesday to go put up flags for a Scout activity. And then Kim had to do the follow-up to that on Tuesday evening which threw off our evening schedule. The little ones had a sleepover at a friends house one night. Then some other things came up with Jimmy and Emily that required our attention and mental focus. So the plan of them following a chore schedule and activity schedule all went to hell.
It dried out after Monday night’s rain storm. And with that dryness has come heat. I do my best to keep the temperature regulated in the house. Opening the windows and turning on fans at night. Closing up everything tight in the morning. But there is only so much we can do in a 100+ year old house without air conditioning when the temperature reaches the 90s. Which meant that getting to sleep became harder and harder. Which led to my being physically tired.
Last night I got sucked into watching the NBA playoff game. Which was a good game to watch but I am not a huge fan of getting sucked into sports these days. On top of that, it was Critical Role night, and I vowed to stay up to watch it live. Then the show started late and ran long so I did not get to sleep until after 12. That is all on me and my physical tiredness is my own fault, but the fault does not wash away my exhaustion.
But this morning I sucked it up and did what I had to do. Picking up the kitchen the rest of the way, washing dishes and starting the dishwasher. Updating the kids daily chore list. I had every reason to not do any of that. But I knew that if I did not do it I would feel bad and guilty. So I did the right thing, sucked it up and got it all done. And I feel much better having done that in spite of excuses to not do so.
And this weekend I am going to make my best effort to follow through on a couple of commitments I made. I have an out on at least one of them. But I am just not going to give myself that excuse. Because I need to balance the commitments versus the guilt I will feel if I do not follow through on them. It is all part of that balancing act I live with. The only difference is that this time I am making plans in advance because I know that if I don’t I will feel the mental anguish later.
Thus, I am living with the disruptions. By keeping aware of the effect they are having I can keep the struggle under control.