Funny thing about my mental condition. On the one hand, I know that I would like a static, ordered life. On the other hand, the things that I really love about my current life are subject to constant change: my wife and my kids, and pop culture in various forms. Which means that on the gripping hand, is it even possible to achieve a balancing point where I can accept it all?
When I went back to therapy a few years back the therapist mentioned that I needed to find some way to mentally follow the Serenity Prayer.
- God, give me grace to accept with serenity
- the things that cannot be changed,
- Courage to change the things
- which should be changed,
- and the Wisdom to distinguish
- the one from the other.
- Living one day at a time,
- Enjoying one moment at a time,
- Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
- Taking, as Jesus did,
- This sinful world as it is,
- Not as I would have it,
- Trusting that You will make all things right,
- If I surrender to Your will,
- So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
- And supremely happy with You forever in the next.
Of course being an Atheist I don’t fully endorse something like that. Not believing in a higher power or looking to that power for strength. The idea is there, though, trying to find a way to mentally accept all of those things that challenge my mental well-being. Although I personally prefer this variation.
Anyway, what has me thinking today is acceptance. There are certain things that regularly bother me. I have some control over some of them, and none in other cases. And is it possible that I will ever reach a point where I can just accept the state of these things?
For example, due to a combination of genetics, mental makeup, career choice I am not the most physically fit person. I had a couple of years in my early forties where I got really fit, running every day and completing a few half marathons. But age and my personality caught up with me and I regressed some. The question is if I will ever reach a point where I just accept where I am and will not feel a nagging voice in my head when I do not exercise or eat junk food. I suppose it is good to have a voice that keeps me from going completely hog wild with junk food. But it is a constant source of mental unease. And I know that going in the other direction and becoming obsessive about my diet and exercise does not solve the problem because I have to work so hard to maintain the lifestyle that gets me to the stage of fitness I want (I was never completely happy with where I was even when I was at my peak fitness.)
This is more of a rhetorical post. I do not expect answers to this. It is just one of things I ponder. Just thoughts for the day.