Yep, I now understand. I always thought my parents were a little strange and acted especially odd when I was younger. But today (and recent times in general) make it all very clear. It is clear that children, especially teenagers, are to blame for many mental illnesses (just kidding for the sake of exaggeration.)
We are at out wits end with our eldest son. His behavior in the last couple of months has gone far beyond the normal troublesome behavior of teenagers. For the sake of his privacy, I will not go into the details. I will just say that if I had hair to pull out I would have done so by now. Today I had to have a little primal scream therapy just to get myself ready to cope with going to work.
I am doing what I can. One of the things I did do today was to put in a call to his therapist and fill him in on the full story so there can be some honest sessions. It is just like if he was physically ill, I would have called his physician, there is no shame in enlisting whatever help we can. Because clearly there are some deep seated issues here.
Of course, this is especially hard on me. The past couple of days were really tough. And there is not any simple end in sight. Which means that I have to be especially cognizant of my own feelings and behaviors. I need to be wary of issues and problems that are a result of being too hard on myself. I need to be very clear where the problems are. And do things like last night when I just walked away from the problem, when I knew that my temper would just make things worse.
Because this is definitely a case where I have little real control. I can provide support, and help, but I cannot control the outcome. And with my OCD that is really hard to cope with. I just have to keep myself focused on what I can control, and do what I can do. And do my best to not let these other issues distract me from the things I need to do and can control. That is really the hardest part of being a parent. Knowing, recognizing and accepting when I cannot control certain behaviors.
So today I am focusing on the little things that I can do. Making calls, getting things done at work, and things for the other kids. Trying to keep myself busy with those tasks and not get bogged down with the distractions of things I cannot control. I can and will do it, it just may not be very fun or relaxing.