I have this feeling that I have not felt in a while this year. I am actually excited for the holidays. Which is unusual and a refreshing change for me. And I know this because I made yet another conscious decision for my health.
Maybe it is because I know I have a week off from work next week. Maybe it is the break from the routine with the kids. And maybe, just maybe it is a little excitement for Xmas. But my mood just keeps getting better and better this week. I’m letting little stuff go. Doing what I know I can do. And looking forward to getting some things done next week that I have been wanting to work on.
And maybe it is just a little manic feeling. An up with an inevitable downturn coming. But it doesn’t feel that way. Instead I am just feeling like there are lots of good things to look forward to, and none of the bad things. It is a real contrast to last year and some previous years when I dreaded the holidays, because it would mean giving up my space and time to large groups of people.
I know that will happen this year of course. I cannot reasonably expect to not feel overwhelmed by the groups of people coming into my home for 2 days. But the difference is I know that I will feel that. And I also know that is normal for me. And, most importantly, that feeling will pass, the people will leave, and we can get back to doing what we want in our space.
So, last week, during some slow time I downloaded Sim City on my iPad. I had some fun with it, once I got a grip on how it should work. But I began to notice something. Too much playing on my iPad is physically bad for me. Specifically my neck gets stiff and inflamed. And no game is worth the pain of a constant stiff neck. So I did the smart thing today and just deleted it. There are better things I can do to pass the time than craning my neck over a game.
What all this means is that if I really look at what is different this year, this holiday season, from previous years is a greater self awareness. The thing about mental health is that unlike a physical malady it never really goes away. You are never totally cured, instead you can manage it, and become aware of it. And this year I have medication, and I have awareness. And just as important, my family is aware too, and respects it, keeping me from taking on too much.
So, yes I am excited and viewing the holiday with anticipation. And the reason for that is because I am far more comfortable with who I am and what I am than I was in previous years. And I credit this blog, medicine, and help from family and friends in getting to this point.