I spent quite a bit of Friday dwelling on things. And then Saturday morning I decided to try something out, and it seemed to help. I got a lot of stuff done Saturday, and thanks to my wonderful wife doing a lot of cleaning on Friday I didn’t have to do quite as much cleaning. All of which meant that the party on Sunday went off very well, pretty much without a hitch. And for the first time in quite a while I actually got bored watching a football game. All in all, what seemed like it might be a dreadful weekend actually turned out very well.
After thinking over things I came up with an idea. One of the the reasons I get so anxious about life stems from my memory. See I have (or used to have) an excellent memory. It still is pretty good to be honest. And for most of my life I have relied on that memory to keep track of things that I need to do, and make sure I do them when I need to. And for the most part that has worked very well, I rarely just flat miss things.
But recently I have noticed that I am missing the little things. Again, nothing big has been missed, nothing crucial to my life. But it still nags away at me, leaves me with that constant feeling of having to do stuff. Walking past the plant window and thinking ‘gee I need to water my plants’ or when I turn on the car lights when it is time to go home thinking ‘I really need to replace that tail light bulb’. And for someone with anxiety issues that really adds up. Leaving me with a feeling that I am never getting stuff done.
Saturday morning I sat down with my iPad, opened the Reminders app and got to work, listing everything that I needed or wanted to get done. Just listing it all made a difference. And then having that ability to keep track, and remove things from the list as I do that made a real difference over the course of the weekend.
I got a lot of little things done. And was able to relax in the afternoon on Saturday, knowing that I had done everything on my list. And having done that helped me stay on track on Sunday for the party, getting everything done in a timely manner. Which allowed me to relax during the party, and just have fun.
It has been a revelation to me so far. Really helps keep the anxiety monsters at bay. And since I already have a morning practice of waking up and reading things on the iPad, there is no reason I cannot spare a minute or two to review my list each morning, add to it, or just know what I have going on. I know that it generally takes 30 days for a practice to become a habit, so it will take some work to keep this up, but I certainly have the motivation, if it helps me feel better.
The last of the birthday month celebrations is behind us now. The party was a great success. I had invited a couple of old friends of Kim over, and they came, which made the party a little special for her. It was nice to catch up with people we hadn’t seen in a couple of years. The food was all good. Since I had cleared the rock last weekend were able to actually get out and play a little basketball. I even got dragged into it, and had a good time.
We all watched the Broncos game; and despite it being a close game, and competitive, I found myself getting bored at the end. Ended up turning to other things, Kim did the same thing. I just don’t have the interest of mental energy to sit and watch football all the time these days. I can watch some, to pass the time, or if I am interested in the score of a game. But it is gradually becoming more of a mental exercise to follow, rather than an emotional investment.
In other words, things turned out for the best. I had a good weekend. And the promised light at the tunnel that I was having trouble seeing on Friday showed up much sooner than I expected. Now it will just be a matter of focusing on using those tools to help keep the darkness at bay for longer periods of time.