It was a struggle at times, as I learned a good lesson #MentalHealth

In hindsight I did what I had hoped to get done this weekend for the most part. But it was a real struggle for most of it. But in the end, a big yard project was done, some vital errands were accomplished, some hobby projects were done. And it was quiet for the most part, with the kids all surviving some sleepovers and plenty of fun. In retrospect I did learn an important lesson for future reference.

First, the lesson. As I told Kim yesterday morning, the next time I mention taking time off when the kids have the day off from school, stop me. I can take a weekend, because the weekends are often split up between the two of us, and I don’t have all that much time when it is just me with the kids. But 4 days is really too much at this point. I did my bet to do my own thing, running some short errands, and not really asking much of the kids. But it was still mentally exhausting. By Sunday morning I was done. I mustered the energy to go shopping, and ran the D&D game, which actually helped me recover some. But in general, it is just not advisable or necessary for me to take days off just to be with the kids when they are off school. I should only take the time off for family breaks, or if they are in school so I get that time to myself.

But, like I said, I did get some good things done. We did all the Parent-teacher-student conferences on Thursday. I understand why they make the kids a part of the meetings, but I still would like to have some time with just the teachers. All the kids were good, no surprises with any of the kids. Danny is improving, Jimmy needs to stay healthier, and Emily is right where she should be.

I ran some other minor errands, just little stuff. I was hoping to do a little more but things seemed to keep getting in the way. Jimmy and I were able to move the piles of rock and asphalt from our drive way to the area in the back where the worst of the water seems to come from. It looks good, and we won’t know how much of a difference it will make until we get our first good rain storm.

I did some painting, but not as much as I might have liked. One of the things that was bothering me this weekend was my eyes, I don’t know if it was off lighting or what, but I had a real hard time staying focused on my painting, or liking the results of what I painted. But I did take some time to sort through, organize and label my miniature cases so I now know where all of my figures are, so if I want a particular figure for D&D I can find it.

Halloween was actually nice for the most part. Getting the kids in costume and out the door was much smoother this year. We did the big mass event in Old Colorado City, which was very crowded, and not as ‘lucrative’ as in years past. By the time that ended however my feet were done, my toes had seriously inflamed, and when I tried to put on a different pair of shoes they wouldn’t take it. So Kim took the kids on her own over to her old neighborhood while I was stuck on the couch. Then she brought Danny home, he crashed on the couch with me, and then eventually she and Emily were able to come home.

This led to my spending much of Saturday night and Sunday morning feeling terrible. With Depression feeding me lies about being worthless, not able to even take my kids trick or treating. That combined with exhaustion from dealing with the kids for a number of days put me in a bad head space. But I kept repeating the mantra that Depression Lies, that I have a wonderful wife, and I don’t have to do it all when it comes to parenting time. And on Sunday I was able to work through it, to have a good time with the boys and a good remainder of the weekend.

In the end, I found my times to be happy. And I can look back and be happy about what I did get done. And chalk up the negatives to some lessons learned. And just move on. It is 3 weeks until Thanksgiving week, and I am not taking extra time off work to spend time with the kids that time around.


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