And so it begins, terrible unconscious mind #Mentalhealth

I hate my brain sometimes. It can drive me up the wall. Remember what I said about the cycle that comes with trying ot focus on fitness? Well it already kicked in, took me all of 2 weeks. This is the problem for me.

Step One: Make a point of tracking calories, tracking every meal, and charting exercise when I get it. Feel good about that.

Step Two: get exercise on regular basis, feel good about that.

Step Three: get on a scale, accept where I am at, move on.

Step Four: diligently track eating, exercise.

Step Five: get on a scale see good results!

Step Six: diligently track eating, exercise for another week, feel good.

Step Seven: Cheat day, go overboard on Cheat day

Step Eight: Power through another couple of days, tracking meals and exercise, begin to get caught up in the race

Step Nine: get on scale, expecting more progress, see no progress.

Step Ten: unconsciously give up, lose control in face of readily available snacks, back to Step One.

That, more or less is my cycle. My mind just will not let me have it both ways. If I really try to get on board with calorie counts and conscious eating, inevitably the downturn will occur. Because somewhere in there my OCD kicks in, and then when the results prove that I don’t really have full control my subconscious says the hell with it.

For another illustration of the cycle (which is not as common for me, but it has happened.) Keeping the house picked up and tidy. I get the house (or at least the main rooms) picked up. Chaos in the form of small children and life swoop in to destroy that order. I try to maintain, but then eventually give up because if I cannot keep it the way I want it then why bother?

I don’t really have a solution, or at least one for my fitness. For now I will maybe just focus on the exercise goals, try to remain mindful of calories but stay the hell away from the scale. It is the only solution I can see right now that makes sense, if I’m going to focus, focus on positives like mileage and speed, rather than calorie counts or weights. And then maybe figure out how to get through ‘cheat days’ without guilt spurring another cycle.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s