All this chaos this week has taken it’s toll on my brain. Today is just a muddled mess. Every action is a mental battle. I want to just curl up and hide, but I know that it is better to be out in ‘public’ to keep those thoughts from getting darker. It is all coming down to chaos and control.
This week has been out of control. Kids sick or getting hurt every day. And every attempt I have made to exert any control over that process has been either rebuffed, or second guessed, or just flat out failed. And after several days of that my brain is just flailing madly.
I know what I need to do. Breathe deep, pause and reflect. Concentrate on the little things, focus on what I can do, and ignore what I cannot control. Basically the Serenity prayer:
(God) grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.
I generally leave out the God part, because I do not believe in a higher power. But the gist of this is what I need to focus on today. Just maintain that mantra: can I change this? If not, accept it and move on. And know that little bit by bit I can stabilize. It will be a struggle, but just writing this out, thinking it through, has helped already.