What do I love to do? Tough question


A question posed last week by my therapist, and one I am still working on answering. There are levels and layers to the answer. I love to do a number of things, but many of those involve other people or are limited to certain contexts. And I think a large part of what he is getting at is to think of something I can carve out for me, essentially a hobby, that is not dependent on other people, that I can escape to if and when the need arises. Which creates a dilemma, because I am between hobbies at the moment.

When I was young my hobbies mostly revolved around role playing games and my various fantasy worlds. Which was fun then, but has lost it’s allure as role playing really is not as much fun unless other people are involved. My capacity to just sit and invent worlds, campaigns and characters for fun has not stuck with me over the years.

As I became more and more involved in table top gamin I learned to love painting. I spent a lot of fun time sitting and painting miniatures, and then building armies. I still enjoy some table top games, although it is mostly Blood Bowl as it requires the least amount of investment. But painting lost it’s hold on me, now it has almost become too hard what with failing vision (damn age) and tendinitis. Would that be different if I had a painting station in my home still that I could use? Maybe, but it wouldn’t change the physical challenges.

Playing Magic with Jimmy and his friends is fun, but that has really become a young man’s game, requiring more time and hustle to get the desired cards to build good decks than I am willing to invest. I still will enjoy the occasional game with them, but I doubt it will become the passion I once had.

Running is great, and solitary. But it is not something I can do every day, or just take off on a whim to do. It is more of a scheduled activity. And the same would apply to taking hikes or walks to some extent.

For a time photography seemed to be something that would get me going. And it still might, I am not sure I really gave it a completely fair shake. It is something that I could spend a fair amount of solitary time with. I think the biggest thing to make that the hobby I am looking for is gain some focus.

And that is pretty much it. I am leaving out 3 things on purpose. Music is an omnipresent part of my life, but it is not a hobby, I don’t listen to music just to listen, and I have not interest in attending concerts or shows. Books are always there, I cannot imagine life without them, as such I don’t consider them a hobby. And A/V entertainment (movies, television, sports) are not really a solitary thing for me, they are best enjoyed by sharing (at least for me.)

I guess all this meandering is more of an exercise. Searching for an answer to a question that I have not really come up with yet. For now my biggest diversion is the time spent playing blood bowl, and that is good for now. But there will be times between games and seasons when I need something else, specifically day to day, and I am still searching for that. 

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